carolinecrane (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
carolinecrane) wrote2010-10-14 04:43 pm
carolinecrane) wrote2010-10-14 04:43 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: Zeroes and Ones 3/? (Criminal Minds, Morgan/Reid, NC17)
Title: Zeroes and Ones 3/?
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: You guys I almost forgot to post today! Sorry. I have tons of comments to answer and haven't had time. Soon, promise!
In the end it took him just over an hour to get out of the BAU. He smiled his way through another round of congratulations, made a bunch of mostly empty promises about keeping in touch, and pretended he didn’t notice the displeasure in Hotch’s expression when he shook Derek’s hand and wished him well. By the time he finally escaped he was exhausted and all he really wanted to do was go home, but there was still one more thing to take care of before he left town.
He dug out his cell phone as soon as he got to his car, setting the box carefully in the passenger seat as he dialed Reid’s number. He picked up on the second ring, his careful ‘hello?’ telling Derek that he’d been expecting a call. Which made sense, considering, but that didn’t explain the way Derek’s heart hammered in his chest when he heard Reid’s voice.
“Reid,” Derek said, and in the silence of his car his voice sounded a little strained. “I…appreciate the gesture, but I can’t accept this.”
“Why not?” And they’d talked on the phone a thousand times in the years they’d worked together, but somehow Reid’s voice sounded different this time. Closer, maybe, or just more vulnerable. Like when he told Derek about his nightmares, and those eyes of his went all wide and trusting, like Derek was going to be able to make it all go away. Like he’d ever had the answers to anything.
“Because it belonged to your mother,” Derek answered. He’d only read the inscription once, but that was enough to know exactly what it meant. “’To My Diana, Here’s to the start of our own epic adventure. Love, Bill’. Diana…that’s your mom, right?”
“It’s just a book,” Reid said, but he didn’t deny it, which was the same as admitting Derek was right. He could have claimed it was a coincidence, that he’d picked it up in a second hand shop somewhere and that Bill was a common name, but the fact that he didn’t even bother made it mean even more.
“It’s not just a book, Reid. It’s a piece of your history. Your mom’s had this, what, since before you were even born?”
“I think it was an engagement present,” Reid answered, and Derek rolled his eyes, because only Spencer Reid would think that wasn’t a big deal. Granted, he didn’t have the best relationship with either of his parents, but one day he was going to regret giving away their stuff.
“Well I can’t keep it. I’ll swing by and drop it off.”
“Isn’t it considered rude to return a gift?” Reid asked, and over the phone Derek couldn’t tell if he was kidding. He laughed anyway, because the kid had a point.
“Fine. Thank you,” he said. “So does this mean you’re not still mad at me?”
For a minute Reid didn’t answer, and Derek was starting to wish he hadn’t asked when he heard Reid sigh on the other end of the line. “I’m not mad.”
The sun was going down, and Derek heard a car start a few rows over and realized people were starting to leave for the day. It felt weird, sitting here in the parking lot talking to Reid on the phone and knowing this was probably going to be the last time. He’d made a lot of promises to keep in touch, promised to e-mail or look people up for a beer when he made it back to town, but none of them had really meant it. It was just something you said when you moved on with your life, and with the exception of Garcia he knew he wouldn’t know any of these people in a year.
He’d expected Reid to fall into that same category, but suddenly he didn’t want that to happen to them.
“Good,” he said, his free hand gripping the steering wheel as he spoke. “So what do you say I hold onto your book for awhile, and when you get up to New York you can pick it up again. It’s only a three hour train ride, right?”
“Morgan…” Reid said, something like nervousness creeping into his voice, and Derek’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel.
“Listen, just think about it. The invitation’s there whenever you’re ready. Look, kid…I’m gonna miss you, you know. Leaving…it’s the right choice, but I’m not happy about it.”
He still wasn’t sure it was the right choice, but it made him feel a little better to say it. And it was true that he wasn’t happy about leaving; he liked his life here, liked his friends and his job and his house. He felt guilty moving Clooney to a big city where he couldn’t have a back yard to run around in, and he wasn’t crazy about the idea of some real estate agent managing his rental properties in his absence. But it was this job or give the higher-ups the impression that he couldn’t handle the responsibility, and they wouldn’t let him stay at the BAU forever. So he was leaving on his own terms instead of someone else’s, and he told himself it was for the best.
Leaving behind Reid was something he hadn’t given much thought to until he’d already accepted the position, but now he realized he was leaving the kid without anyone he really trusted to confide in. He’d always taken for granted that Reid came to him with his problems; that no matter how much Derek teased him, Reid trusted him. Now that Gideon and Derek had both left him behind, he had to be feeling pretty alone.
“Really?” Reid finally said, voice a little hesitant, like maybe he didn’t believe Derek. And there was no reason he should, really, because people said that stuff all the time and then they just moved on with their lives. “I mean, you want to keep in touch?”
“Yeah,” he answered. “You know how to find me.”
“Right. I mean, I’ll think about it,” Reid answered, and Derek wasn’t sure if he meant he’d think about visiting, or whether or not he even wanted to keep in touch. “I have to go. I have a thing…”
“Sure,” Derek said. And none of this had really felt final until right now, but the thought of hanging up made it seem real for the first time. Still, he couldn’t keep Reid on the phone forever, even if he could think of something else to say. “Take care of yourself, kid.”
Derek listened as the line clicked and went dead, and just like that Reid was gone. Out of his life, maybe, and if that was the way he wanted it, there wasn’t much Derek could do.
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: You guys I almost forgot to post today! Sorry. I have tons of comments to answer and haven't had time. Soon, promise!
In the end it took him just over an hour to get out of the BAU. He smiled his way through another round of congratulations, made a bunch of mostly empty promises about keeping in touch, and pretended he didn’t notice the displeasure in Hotch’s expression when he shook Derek’s hand and wished him well. By the time he finally escaped he was exhausted and all he really wanted to do was go home, but there was still one more thing to take care of before he left town.
He dug out his cell phone as soon as he got to his car, setting the box carefully in the passenger seat as he dialed Reid’s number. He picked up on the second ring, his careful ‘hello?’ telling Derek that he’d been expecting a call. Which made sense, considering, but that didn’t explain the way Derek’s heart hammered in his chest when he heard Reid’s voice.
“Reid,” Derek said, and in the silence of his car his voice sounded a little strained. “I…appreciate the gesture, but I can’t accept this.”
“Why not?” And they’d talked on the phone a thousand times in the years they’d worked together, but somehow Reid’s voice sounded different this time. Closer, maybe, or just more vulnerable. Like when he told Derek about his nightmares, and those eyes of his went all wide and trusting, like Derek was going to be able to make it all go away. Like he’d ever had the answers to anything.
“Because it belonged to your mother,” Derek answered. He’d only read the inscription once, but that was enough to know exactly what it meant. “’To My Diana, Here’s to the start of our own epic adventure. Love, Bill’. Diana…that’s your mom, right?”
“It’s just a book,” Reid said, but he didn’t deny it, which was the same as admitting Derek was right. He could have claimed it was a coincidence, that he’d picked it up in a second hand shop somewhere and that Bill was a common name, but the fact that he didn’t even bother made it mean even more.
“It’s not just a book, Reid. It’s a piece of your history. Your mom’s had this, what, since before you were even born?”
“I think it was an engagement present,” Reid answered, and Derek rolled his eyes, because only Spencer Reid would think that wasn’t a big deal. Granted, he didn’t have the best relationship with either of his parents, but one day he was going to regret giving away their stuff.
“Well I can’t keep it. I’ll swing by and drop it off.”
“Isn’t it considered rude to return a gift?” Reid asked, and over the phone Derek couldn’t tell if he was kidding. He laughed anyway, because the kid had a point.
“Fine. Thank you,” he said. “So does this mean you’re not still mad at me?”
For a minute Reid didn’t answer, and Derek was starting to wish he hadn’t asked when he heard Reid sigh on the other end of the line. “I’m not mad.”
The sun was going down, and Derek heard a car start a few rows over and realized people were starting to leave for the day. It felt weird, sitting here in the parking lot talking to Reid on the phone and knowing this was probably going to be the last time. He’d made a lot of promises to keep in touch, promised to e-mail or look people up for a beer when he made it back to town, but none of them had really meant it. It was just something you said when you moved on with your life, and with the exception of Garcia he knew he wouldn’t know any of these people in a year.
He’d expected Reid to fall into that same category, but suddenly he didn’t want that to happen to them.
“Good,” he said, his free hand gripping the steering wheel as he spoke. “So what do you say I hold onto your book for awhile, and when you get up to New York you can pick it up again. It’s only a three hour train ride, right?”
“Morgan…” Reid said, something like nervousness creeping into his voice, and Derek’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel.
“Listen, just think about it. The invitation’s there whenever you’re ready. Look, kid…I’m gonna miss you, you know. Leaving…it’s the right choice, but I’m not happy about it.”
He still wasn’t sure it was the right choice, but it made him feel a little better to say it. And it was true that he wasn’t happy about leaving; he liked his life here, liked his friends and his job and his house. He felt guilty moving Clooney to a big city where he couldn’t have a back yard to run around in, and he wasn’t crazy about the idea of some real estate agent managing his rental properties in his absence. But it was this job or give the higher-ups the impression that he couldn’t handle the responsibility, and they wouldn’t let him stay at the BAU forever. So he was leaving on his own terms instead of someone else’s, and he told himself it was for the best.
Leaving behind Reid was something he hadn’t given much thought to until he’d already accepted the position, but now he realized he was leaving the kid without anyone he really trusted to confide in. He’d always taken for granted that Reid came to him with his problems; that no matter how much Derek teased him, Reid trusted him. Now that Gideon and Derek had both left him behind, he had to be feeling pretty alone.
“Really?” Reid finally said, voice a little hesitant, like maybe he didn’t believe Derek. And there was no reason he should, really, because people said that stuff all the time and then they just moved on with their lives. “I mean, you want to keep in touch?”
“Yeah,” he answered. “You know how to find me.”
“Right. I mean, I’ll think about it,” Reid answered, and Derek wasn’t sure if he meant he’d think about visiting, or whether or not he even wanted to keep in touch. “I have to go. I have a thing…”
“Sure,” Derek said. And none of this had really felt final until right now, but the thought of hanging up made it seem real for the first time. Still, he couldn’t keep Reid on the phone forever, even if he could think of something else to say. “Take care of yourself, kid.”
Derek listened as the line clicked and went dead, and just like that Reid was gone. Out of his life, maybe, and if that was the way he wanted it, there wasn’t much Derek could do.